Been listening to a lot of music lately. Mostly old favorites like the Stones (I’m currently stuck on Moonlight Mile). For me, music has a way of quieting my soul. My mind is constantly racing and working like mad to drive me, well, mad. Music just chills me out. Kinda like natural Xanax.
Life is crazy as always. I am in this constant struggle to pull through the bullshit and make things work in my marriage. It’s wearing me down and truth be told, if I could go back in time, I would not have gotten married. It’s too fucking hard under the best of circumstances much less when one of you is bipolar (him, not me) and refusing to do anything about it. We constantly fight about how I think he should go back into therapy and take his meds. He refuses and as a result, life at home is like living on a funny farm minus the fun. For fucks sake, if I had diabetes, I’d take insulin. If I had cancer, I undergo chemo and if I was bipolar, I’d take my bloody meds. He doesn’t want to live under the stigma. So, we suffer. Not fair.
The sound of strangers sending nothing to my mind
Just another mad mad day on the road
I am just living to be lying by your side
But Im just about a moonlight mile on down the road
I had no idea things were so bad for you. *hugs*
I’m just married to an extremely selfish man, and that’s enough to keep me torn up. I can’t imagine what it would be like if he was bipolar.
I often think of running off to a new blog just so I can vent about some of my marital issues. I don’t know if he or his family read my blog, so I keep quiet.
I know what you mean about music quieting your soul. It does that for me, as well as serving many other useful purposes as well.
I hope you were able to find some peace!
I tell him all the time, that there’s no shame in having the disorder. The shame is in choosing to do nothing about it. It’s extraordinarily selfish to cause other people unecessary pain.
I try to carve out little pockets of “me” time everyday so that I can find some peace. We’ll see. I know I’m not the first to deal with this…it just gets old.